I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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