Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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