In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
