I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
