Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
