I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
