I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
