Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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