I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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