I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
