We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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