Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
