So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you win again, gameday.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
