I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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