yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
