my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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