Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
