How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
