Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
