she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
