She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
