Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
