What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
