Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
