i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
