She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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