i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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