I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Congratulations! We have a period
there is puke in my bra ... again
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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