Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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