The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
