Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
