They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
