I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
