this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
