I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
