On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
