Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
