Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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