The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
