You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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