I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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