I think my vagina is haunted
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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