Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
