i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
