Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
