the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
