Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
