You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
