also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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