Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
