she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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